Nip/Tuck: Candy Richards

Going into this episode, I was really expecting it to be just be so-so. With the trend of so many other shows being cut short because of the strike, I just assumed Nip/Tuck would fall victim as well. Not the case.

This entire season, with the McNamara/Troy move to Hollywood, the theme of celebrity has sort of been toyed with. Every week has essentially built up to this episode, the moment when it all comes crashing down. The moment when Sean and Christian both finally realized that their quest for stardom is actually ruining their lives. Of course, as everyone knows, by the time you finally make it to that conclusion, it's usually too late.

Think about it. If Sean had never taken the role on Hearts n' Scalpels, then Eden never would have developed a crazy schoolgirl crush on him. She never would have seen Julia as a leech on Sean's life and probably would have never started poisoning her in the first place. She wouldn't have shot Julia and Julia wouldn't have had retrograde amnesia. If it wasn't for the poisoning, Julia probably would have gone back to NYC by then.

If Sean had never taken the role on Hearts n' Scalpels, he wouldn't have earned his own paparazzi fan club and Christian and Annie wouldn't have gotten into a car accident. And most importantly, the episode wouldn't have ended the way it did. I'll come back to that.

If Sean had never taken the role on Hearts n' Scalpels, Christian would have never become so jealous of his partner's new found fame. He would have never done the Playgirl spread and he would have never met Darlene and his daughter, Emmy. Matt would have never slept with his half-sister.

Now based on the previews, I knew a tragedy was coming. At first, I thought it was Julia. Then, I thought it was Annie and Christian. By the time the ending arrived, I had considered the possibility of what happened, but by then thought it was too late. It wasn't.

If Sean had never taken the role on Hearts n' Scalpels, he would never have met Colleen Rose, his crazy fan. If Sean had never taken the role on Hearts n' Scalpels, he wouldn't be lying in a pool of his own blood with multiple stab wounds, as his daughter lay unconscious on the operating table. You knew Colleen would be back.

Now I have questions...

What did Colleen do with Bob's body before she hid him in Sean's closet? It's been a few weeks and the body didn't look like it had decomposed at all.

Did Colleen stab Liz too?

What did Eden tell Olivia before going to the hospital? I'm guessing she told her mother the truth and Olivia chose to keep her mouth shut once Julia's condition was discovered.

Christian will obviously call 911 once he finds everyone, but is he going to be able to do enough in the meantime with only one arm? Did Colleen stab him too maybe?

I'm not sure if it means anything, but do you think that maybe Matt got Emmy pregnant? I only ask because Matt was her first, and Darlene made a point of saying that Christian was her first and he got her pregnant.

The rest of the episode was pretty standard tongue-in-cheek Nip/Tuck fare. The return of Jennifer Coolidge as Candy Richards was great and I loved how her delusions of celebrity were juxtaposed against Sean's very real fame. The Christian/Darlene sex was hilarious too. It was one of those moments where I felt bad for laughing, but I laughed regardless. And I loved the part when Christian had to tell Matt that he can't sleep with his sister anymore. The look on Christian's face was priceless.

If the show goes right back into production, I'll probably see the show return around this time next year assuming FX sticks to its schedule of airing The Riches, The Shield, and Rescue Me before it.

Nip/Tuck: August Walden

This is the way I remember Nip/Tuck. Hands down, best episode of the season right here. Controversial, all the main characters played a big role, and best of all? It was funny! The one thing that depressed me was the very end. Perhaps it makes me a terrible person, but it sure was fun to watch her suffer. She's just so whiny. You wonder where Matt gets his neediness from? Take one look at his mother.

You've got to hand it to Christian though. He can't just break up with Julia. He has to invite her over for lunch to make sure she sees him screwing another woman "he picked up at the gas station." What an ass. Here's the thing though. Julia acted appalled! How is something like this unexpected? This is the type of cold hearted stuff that he's known for pulling. Couple that in with Julia's discovery of the source of her illness, and she didn't exactly have the greatest day. Eden had been poisoning her with mercury. Julia found out... Eden shot her with Julia's own gun. End of episode and what an ending it was. Eden is clearly nuts and this episode proved it. From sex crazed, plaid skirt wearing school girl, to raunchy porn star/wannabe murderer, Eden is definitely one of the better characters this show has introduced.

And speaking of new characters, how about Emmy? All I could do was cheer Matt on once it fell apart with him and Rachel. He hopped in the sack with Emmy right away and for once, it seemed like he might have actually found himself a normal relationship. How could I have assumed that after the giant clue from the "previously on" scenes? It showed clips of every crazy b*tch he's ever been with -- Eva, Cherry, Ariel, and Kimber. Add in Rachel too. He's doomed and Emmy was no exception. How did she find Christian as an option for her plastic surgeon? Emmy's the result of a one night stand Christian had many years ago in Cleveland, Georgia. All I can say is "wow." Honestly, really great twist. Christian is her father and she's sleeping with Matt. In true Nip/Tuck fashion, they're justifying the incest because... hey, the sex was really good. Transvestites, white supremacists, ex-porn stars, severe burn victims, and now half-siblings. Who hasn't Matt slept with?

Moving on to Sean, I really liked the plot with him and August Walden, the TV reviewer from Entertainment Weekly. The whole ordeal sort of re-positioned Sean as the caring and understanding guy that he used to be before he got consumed by Hollywood. While it was a little corny, the ending was expected when the victim of one of Walden's scathing reviews poured boiling coffee all over his face. I was surprised that no one had attacked him sooner. For a while, it even crossed my mind that Sean might try and "accidentally" mess something up during Walden's extensive surgery as a bit of payback. No such luck though.

More thoughts...

Where had Olivia been? How could she have not known that Julia was having an affair with Christian?

I sort of hope that Emmy turns out not to be Christian's daughter. Matt could use some good news.

Is it to be expected that so many doctors misdiagnosed Julia? None of them had hair or blood or urine samples analyzed for any sort of toxins? I'm sure some liberties were taken, but if it's even remotely close to that... I hope I never get mercury poisoning.

You could have played a drinking game with this episode. Every time someone said "ugly," take a gulp.

So the next episode is the seasons finale (officially) and it'll be interesting to see if it ends with a decent twist or cliffhanger, since it wasn't the intended bookend. However, it looks like the final eight season five episodes (whenever they get shot) will end up being a new sixth season.

Nip/Tuck: Lulu Grandiron

One of the things that I've always enjoyed about Nip/Tuck is the way that Sean and Christian are constantly compared to each other. No matter how much they fight, no matter how much the writing may lead me to believe that they clash, no matter how much they are juxtaposed in any number of varying scenarios, they always turn out looking far more similar than different. This episode was a prime example.

As Christian put it, the two of them are both guilty of enjoying a "mental blow-job." They like to have their egos stroked, to be told they're different and unique and special. Why? Because they know they're not. As a result, they trust too easily, act naïve, and generally seem to accept things that anyone else with half a brain would be all over. It's not the first time either of them has been duped.

This time, Christian was trying to prove he's worth a damn by taking on the duties of plastic surgeon to the socialite scene. While it was hilarious that he whipped out his junk as part of his "job interview," I still knew this was going to end badly. These woman were rich, uppity, plastic surgery/money/sex addicts and that means issues. In the case of Lulu Grandiron, it meant a bi-polar disorder with a tendency to forget her meds. Had Christian checked her medical records before making her look like a cat in the operating room, I wouldn't be writing this paragraph.

I'll be honest though. I believed her. I didn't think she was crazy and I honestly believed this was something Lulu just needed to do. That was until Christian took off her bandages and she started hissing and waving her hands like some sort of rabid barn animal. Crazy! I liked Sean's comment differentiating between a sculptor and a surgeon. If you screw up the marble, it won't sue.

On the flip side, Sean was dealing with Colleen. I knew the truth about her well before he did and it took Bliss' shopping addiction for him to see the light. She found Colleen's teddy-bear kiosk at the mall. Devastated, Colleen broke into Sean's condo and slit her wrists right before he got home. Too many questions though. What about the CAA agent she killed? Did she do or set-up anything else before she killed herself? I just hope her passing (is she dead?) has some meaning or repercussions. And for the millionth time, why does the theme from The Exorcist play whenever she's up to no good?

More than Christian, I was more surprised by Sean for not putting the puzzle together. Colleen had no office. No other clients. As far as I can tell, Sean never signed any contract with her. Plus, she was seriously pushing his involvement in an ad campaign for Sizzler's new salad bar. How much more obvious could it get?

More ramblings...

One of the things I've liked about this season is the way characters aren't forced back into the story. Everyone pops in now and then, but nothing feels out of place. Bliss and the return of Eden in this episode are good examples. So are the way Matt and Julia (is she dying still?) have been used this season.

Speaking of Eden, did anyone else assume she was going to commit suicide? I did. After Colleen's "Sean doesn't love you" chat, I thought she was going to mow down a few bottles of pills. Instead, she's back to doing porn with Ram and Kimber. How unfortunate.

And speaking of Ram, what was baby Jenna's first word? Not Daddy. Not Mommy. "Ram." Her first word was the name of a porn king-pin. Adorable.

With only two episodes left, I'm really not sure if this season is building up to anything. Other than Hearts and Scalpels, there really hasn't been any season long plot other than "Hollywood" itself. That being said, I suppose anything could happen.

Nip/Tuck: Kyle Ainge

"Mommy's not coming back because Daddy killed her." - Christian

Um... wow. I'm never going to a Build-A-Bear Workshop ever again. I'll come back to that later, but let's touch on the theme of this episode first: cannibalism. There's a topic that Nip/Tuck hasn't tackled before and they didn't hold back either. From the teacher who bites her Kindergarten students, to the metaphors of Hollywood agents eating you alive, to the newlywed couple that actually... ate each other, all the bases were covered. Who's hungry?

First off, let's talk about Kyle Ainge and his wife. Disgusting story, but it was still touching. It was sad really. Trapped in a ravine for ten days after a wrong turn on their skiing honeymoon, Kyle fed his hypoglycemic wife chunks of his own flesh to keep her alive. It actually sounds like something I'd read about on the news and I'm sure there have been similar incidents reported.

But then it got twisted and during his surgery recovery, the wife fed the husband some her own flesh to make them even? Equals? Really sickening if I think about. I think she was a little loopy. It never occurred to her that her flesh was raw and he had cooked his using the lighter from an overturned car in the ravine. This was only five minutes into the show. My jaw was on the floor. Plus, the two surgeries were extremely graphic during this episode and every commercial break ended with the "viewer discretion advised" announcement. That says it all right there.

Moving on to Colleen... As I correctly speculated, she's a nut. She's not really an agent, doesn't live in a mansion, and has an obsession with hand made teddy bears. I think the thing that surprises me most is how trusting and naïve Sean is. I know the whole point is that he's the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Hollywood newbie and as such he shouldn't know any better, but c'mon - he is definitely smarter than this.

How come he's never asked to see her office? Isn't it somewhat odd that Colleen had never heard of CAA? ("What's Caw?") She's clearly just an obsessive and delusional fan. As if there wasn't proof enough, she killed Sean's agent-to-be Bob from CAA with one of those machines that fills teddy bears with plush animal stuffing. That was disturbing to say the least. And how come whenever I see her, the theme music from The Exorcist plays?

More thoughts...

No Julia? With the way her story has progressed, I found that odd. She's slowly dying, right?

How funny was Gina's funeral? One big sexaholics meeting where everyone recalled what great blow-jobs, hand-jobs, and rim-jobs she gave. It was sad to meet the guy that gave her AIDS though. My one question? She met all these people in Miami, right? They all traveled to LA for the funeral service? Seemed a little weird to me.

The teacher who bites her students had one of the funniest lines in the history of this show when Christian asked if he could maybe donate something like a jungle-gym to the school to avoid any lawsuits: "I was hoping you could provide something else to climb on." Hilarious. (I can't believe she had her teeth ground down and capped!)

Nip/Tuck: Magda & Jeff

What a great episode! Once again, full advantage was taken of the show now being in LA. Sean got an agent, Aidan got a sex tape, and a washed up reality-star plastic surgeon was involved in a sensational murder. Oooohhh! Throw in some Exorcist and Halloween references, Sharon Gless, and Marlee Matlin and there's a reason this show is still so popular.

First off, let's talk about Sean's new agent, Colleen Rose. She's a complete nut and I'm glad Sean finally went all Hollywood on her at the end of the episode. I'm still a little on the fence about it, but it's tough to say if she approached Sean about representation because she genuinely thinks he's a quality up and coming actor or because she just wants to get in his pants. Add in the fact that she's a raging alcoholic who has no problem whipping out her breasts at a moment's notice and I'm not sure I'd want her handling any part of my career. It's great that Sean moved into the Hearts & Scalpels starring role following Aidan's sex tape, but that probably would have happened even if he hadn't hired Colleen.

Speaking of the sex tape, that scene, along with the first time we met Magda and Jeff, have got to be two of the funniest moments in the history of Nip/Tuck. How could you not have fun writing this show?

Aidan giving it to Eden on the kitchen counter in his set-trailer, while he makes fun of Barbara, the deaf network exec played by Marlee Matlin. Poor taste? Absolutely. But I laughed. So Barbara booted him from the show and Sean took over. Had it been any other girl than Eden that Aidan screwed, and I would have assumed that Colleen had something to do with it.

Magda and Jeff... where do I even start? She's got to be in her 80s and Jeff is in his 40s. Married for 21 years so you do the math. He was hoping that she'd croak and he'd make a living off the life insurance. Then she didn't die. What a bitch though! Man, did she abuse him or what? Then after his hair transplant (to fulfill her Tom Selleck fantasy), he's the one who has a grand mal seizure and she dumps him. The guy became a vegetable and Magda went and got a new boy-toy. All those years he took care of her (I bet she wears Depends) and she can't return the favor. I know she made that whole argument about "living in the now," but still. That's cold.

Gina made quite the "impact" in this episode. It became apparent pretty quickly that the only reason she accepted the job offer was because she's still in love with Christian. So naturally, she made it her goal to sabotage anything that was going on between him and Julia -- who, by the way, looks like death. Can some doctor just tests for poisons and toxins already? With Gina back in the picture (post-modern sex anyone?) you knew the HIV angle would pop up and even though it was sort of mean for her to try and use that against Julia, most of what she was saying about Christian's man-whore tendencies were 100% true. I liked how she brought up the spa though. Like it ever really mattered to Gina.

Then there was that ending scene. Roof-top dinner and after plenty of resistance from Christian's part, some moon-lit sex. Yes, he wore a condom, but Gina gave it to him. Is she crazy enough to have put a pin prick or tear in it? Wouldn't surprise me. Either way... she's dead. Christian actually screwed her off the side of the building. It was like one big safe-sex oxymoron.

More thoughts...

Maybe I'm just grossly uninformed or it's one of my rare pop-culture brain farts, but what was the significance of the homage to The Exorcist and the constant use of the Halloween theme? Was this episode originally supposed to air around that time of year?

What's Aidan's revenge going to be? He seemed pretty convinced that Sean had paid Eden off.

I'm surprised Wilber wasn't in this episode, if only for one scene.

Aidan had a blindness consultant... was was actually blind. Wow. "How did I look?" "Well... it sounded good."

It's going to be interesting to see how this all plays out now because things are coming to a boil.

Based on the previews, it looks like Gina's death is initially ruled a suicide -- but I doubt that will stick. With Christian dealing with her death and Sean spending far more time becoming a TV star, who's going to do all those boob jobs and tummy tucks?

Nip/Tuck: Rachel Ben Natan

After a month off, Nip/Tuck is back. Only 14 of this season's 22 episodes were finished pre-WGA Strike, so it makes sense that FX threw that mini hiatus in there. I was really looking forward to this episode, and even though I liked it, there was still a lot of stuff that just didn't feel fresh to me. Recycled is probably more accurate. I love this show, but c'mon... Sean and Christian fighting over Julia is really getting old.

Honestly, I'm hoping that this episode signifies the end of it since Sean seems to finally be willing to forgive Christian. They physically fought about it for the second or third time and the whole plot is just stale at this point. Just let Julia sleep with Christian and wait for him to disappoint her. I know he will. Whether they're in love or not, he never was a one woman man. Plus Gina ("Hey asshole." I love it.) is back and I know Christian won't be able to keep his hands off her.

On a side note, this is the one thing that bugs me when a show "moves" to a different location. To make it work, all the characters need to have reasons to move. Gina just so happened to get her California Realtor license. It's just a little odd to me. After Christian got Wilber, I would have never expected to see Gina back. I'm glad she is though.

Moving on, Dawn Budge and Freddy Prune were back. She started pumping money into Hearts n' Scalpels and Freddy made her a producer. Hilarious. Rosie O'Donnell is great in this role. She got run over by a lesbian biker! Plus she had one of the funniest lines in Nip/Tuck history: "Chop chop people. We got a clit to build." Too funny, especially since it's coming from O'Donnell's mouth. Granted, the story went a little overboard in the "OK, we get it. How ironic that Rosie O'Donnell is playing a homophobe" department, but she was still great. I also loved the fight she got in with Aidan. ("I'm not a bigot." "Bigots always say that.")

This episode also saw the return of Rachel Ben Natan, Matt's rehabilitation counselor. If I recall, she was next to a suicide bomber in Palestine when he pushed the button and now she wants his "human shrapnel" removed from her body. Nip/Tuck has always handled the similarities between its doctors and patients well, but this was particularly well done. Comparing Sean to Rachel's suicide bomber and seeing the anger and resentment of Christian and Julia build inside him was great. Just really well done. Of course, as good as that was, it culminated in my original gripe. Matt sure can pick 'em though huh? Transvestites, white supremacists, porn star meth addicts, and now Rachel. Quite the track record.

More thoughts...

Freddy finally came out. Not like I didn't see that coming. No straight man calls his girlfriend "petal."

Whatever Eden dosed that fruit cake with isn't leaving Julia's system. She's getting daily bloody noses now. Plus, she's been to three doctors who all say she's fine. It sounds terrible, but I love the idea of her being killed off. That would really force things to change.

Also, I was dying to know who played Rachel, it was Maggie Siff. Now I remember her as Menken's daughter on Mad Men (my #1 favorite current show). I really couldn't tell who she was in this show though... for obvious reasons.

I had forgotten that Dawn donated one of her kidneys to Liz.

Nip/Tuck: Duke Collins

"Your promises are sh*t, Matt." - Sean

They really are, aren't they? Matt is pretty much full of it, most of the time. Granted he escaped death here, but when I consider his track record (white supremacists, transvestites, Scientology, foreskin removal), it's pretty safe to assume that he'll get wrapped up in something else before too long. That's why I found it so amusing when Sean apologized and Matt said he just really needed to grow up and stop being Sean's "child." Why? So he can graduate to more adult scheming? He's there already! Last I checked, you don't see too many eleven year olds cooking meth and raising a child with a former porn star. Matt has always led a screwed up life, so it's not as if any of this comes as a surprise. Fortunately, the rest of this Christmas themed episode took the torch from previous Nip/Tuck holiday installments and the results were hilarious.

Where else am I going to find a group of Christmas carolers wearing red, who get the snot beat out of them by a gang of blue clad Crips? Nip/Tuck. Or a career mall Santa Claus who lies about skipping out on his family and gets shot in the face by his son? Nip/Tuck. This is all par for the course.

Two major plots ruled the episode though. First up, the love triangle. It's plagued the show as the fall-back story since the pilot, but when it's done right, it's still good. Sean finally heard the words that he's dreaded forever. Christian and Julia are in love. He figured out they had been sleeping together and proceeded to pout as I'd expect. However, by the end of the episode he shed his Scrooge demeanor and seemed to make peace with the idea -- even though he didn't toast his drink with the love-birds. He says he's OK with it, but I know that this isn't going to die. Sean will get annoyed. Sean will get hurt. Sean will fight back.

The other big story? Eden and Julia's "reconciliation." Not so fast. Eden baked Julia a fruitcake with something special added. But what? I never found out, but Julia must've eaten half that loaf. It made her dizzy and I was hoping she'd faint by episode's end. The obvious question? Is Eden's special ingredient traceable? Julia isn't stupid. She may figure it out and realize what Eden did. It sounds terrible, but if that loaf is just sitting on the kitchen counter, then what's stopping Annie from having a piece? Something bad needs to come from this for it to really pay off.

More thoughts...

Kimber is a bitch again! Speaking of something terrible happening, Jenna is not safe with Ram and his team of porn star nannies. Something is going to happen to that poor child.

I love the character of Rachel, the Israeli burn victim who's counseling Matt. She's exactly what Matt needs, someone to prove to him that things could be much worse.

Wilber, Annie, and Connor! They're alive!

The snowman got shot by Duke's wife! Again, only on Nip/Tuck.

So... was there anything in that antique box that Sean tried to give to Matt? Or was the whole point that it was empty? So his "dreams" could fit inside?

I loved how the Hedda Grubman Cosmetic Surgery Fund still exists! I had completely forgotten about it and I'm glad that someone finally took advantage of it.

Nip/Tuck: Dr. Joshua Lee

This was a fantastic episode to boot. Honestly, it might be the best of the season thus far. I'm actually half way through the chunk of completed episodes (14 were wrapped before the strike hit) and it looks like this season is finally going somewhere. Up until now, it's been a lot of "we're in LA, so let's take advantage of that" plots. But now, I'm seeing some real serious stuff take root. And by serious, I mean old men who have been abducted by aliens.

The patient du jour was Dr. Joshua Lee. I've seen McNamara/Troy handle some insanely weird cases, so Lee's was nothing too out of the ordinary. Remove the alien implant from my back. Sure. While it was predictable (I knew his actual daughter would show up at the end), it was still compelling. I thought he was a great character. This show has never shied away from tackling oddball issues and I'd love too see the good doctor back again, maybe in four or five episodes to see if he knows "who" took him away. Aliens? NASA scientists?

Speaking of being "taken away," how about Julia and Olivia's own abduction? At first, I thought it was pointless; just another gimmick so the two of them have a reason for "vacationing" in LA for so long. But what it set up was great! Olivia is all talk. She cracked immediately. Crying, begging for her life. All this time Julia has been so intimidated by Olivia, but she was the one who stood tall with the chubby dude who held them at gunpoint. It woke her up it seems. She got a gun for protection and hopped back in the sack with Christian for satisfaction. It's going to be interesting to see how they hide that from Sean and Olivia because it seems like Julia might be in it for real this time.

As far as things being hidden, I was hoping that Sean and Eden's "affair" would stay secret a little longer, but Sean's full circle realization that he is indeed getting older came much faster than I expected. I wonder if his adverse reaction to the Ecstasy had anything to do with all the crap that Aiden's new age doctor pumped into him? Might Sean's problem be an indicator for what's in store for Aiden? Probably not since he's too minor a character for anyone to care if something happened to him. Sean is just old.

The biggest shock, for me anyway, was Kimber and Matt coming clean. Clearly, it was all Kimber's idea since she did all the talking. Whether Matt realizes it or not, Christian making that deal with Kimber was a good thing. Let her go back into porn. Good riddance. She was hurtful to Matt, and I actually did believe her when she said she never loved him. Two things though. First off, she kept Jenna at Ram's place. No way Christian is going to stand for that. Giving up the baby was part of the deal. Secondly, after Christian's tough love session, I really thought Matt would go into rehab. Instead, he tried cooking meth and lit himself on fire. Can he sink any lower? Besides into the hotel pool?

More thoughts...

Christian was on fire with the zingers in this episode! Your face looks like a fraternity couch. Your vagina is a cesspool full of Alaskan king crabs. Taking ecstasy is like listening to Fall Out Boy. Hilarious.

Julia threatened Eden. So what's Eden going to do to retaliate? She'll never sit still.

Nip/Tuck: Damien Sands

What a great episode! It was different, unique for this show, and was clearly a challenge to shoot and edit so that the "reality" look and feel were achieved. It certainly wasn't the best episode of Nip/Tuck, but I'm all for stuff like this. Taking chances with proven formulas is something I can respect. Anybody pay attention to the beginning? When Christian was trying to convince Sean to do Plastic Fantastic with him? Christian made some comment about how "reality is the future." Granted this was written and shot at least a few months ago, but it's still a little eerie considering the current TV climate because of the WGA strike. Kind of ironic that I sat down to watch a scripted drama spoofing reality TV when all these writers are fighting to be compensated for creative episodes like this and actual reality is slowly taking over every channel.

Every cliché from reality TV was played out perfectly as I would expect and most of it was over the top. When you consider Sean and Christian and the company they keep though, it's really not that much of a stretch. Even though Sean pushed for it, you knew right away that there was no way the pilot episode was going to show them in a positive light.

The biggest scenes from the show within the show all focused on Julia, Liz, and Olivia. Once the producer figured out that they were all angry, jealous lesbians... well, not much else to say there. The only thing that bugged me is that by episode's end, nothing stuck. Liz and Olivia kissed, there was a fight, and then Olivia and Julia made up. It would have been nice to see some of that conflict play out for a few more episodes. Although, at this point, it's only a matter of time before Julia realizes that this isn't who she is. I know I haven't really seen anything to back that up (other than her thorough enjoyment when Christian was giving it to her), but I just don't see any other logical outcome.

More observations:

During one of his interviews, Sean said he played Dr. Peter Casey on Hearts and Scalpels. I think that's the first time I've heard the name of his character.

During one of Julia's interviews, I heard Connor cry and Julia went to check on him. He's alive! (Are they ever moving back to New York?)

Speaking of New York (the VH1 variety), how disappointing was that? I saw the previews with her in it and thought it would be hilarious. She guest starred just for the sake of guest starring. She gave Christian some tips, but it was still a little pointless.

Unless I see her on set, it looks like Kate is gone for good. I was thinking I'd see her come crawling back to Sean, but maybe not.

Despite Christian's goal to win back the spotlight from Sean, I love how even a foolish little reality show won't even be greenlit unless Sean is on-board. Although, this one didn't get picked up at all...

I need more Aiden Stone and Freddy Prune. Those two guys are hilarious. I'm sick of them never being around.

I'm surprised that neither Matt nor Kimber were around. This would have been the perfect situation for their meth addiction to come out.

What was the deal with Damien Sands? How did he know that Christian was also dabbling in the male escort service? Moreover, why did Christian care? After the way it worked out with his last patient (bathtub lady), I thought he was done.

Then there was the big ending (after Plastic Fantastic had finished taping). Eden ran away from rehab, her arms covered in cigarette burns. At first, she was all about spilling secrets but then Sean was nice to her. That was probably a first for her. Result? Instant crush on Dr. McNamara. Then, as I have waited for, they kissed. OK... first off, she's 18. I think. That's what she told Christian when she wanted surgery. But even still. She's in high school, she's messing with Annie. You'd think Sean would have learned his lesson. Guess not.

Nip/Tuck: Chaz Darling

"You don't want to play this game with me." - Christian

No you don't. The second Christian said that to Eden, a clock started and all episode long I was waiting for the alarm to go off. What was he going to do to her? For a minute, I honestly thought nothing. He gave her the pills and Eden was on her way, her mouth shut about Christian and Julia's night together. Maybe it was because I watched the episode early in the morning and I was still a little drowsy, but I never saw it coming. Well played Dr. Troy.

The funniest thing about all of this? Eden is probably a drug addict anyway! She's one of the shallowest, most self-absorbed, image obsessed characters I've ever met on the show. Add in her giant-nippled BGF (best gay friend) Chaz telling her she needs to lose some weight (what?!) and she's probably been popping diet pills and who knows what else for a while. Of course, Christian knew he had to give her the percocet and the xanax to really sell it to Olivia and Julia.

Speaking of Olivia, I gained a lot more respect for her in this episode. She yelled at Eden when she found out about how her daughter was blackmailing Christian and she supported everything during the intervention. She's not the pushover who sides with her daughter no matter what like I initially thought. If only she knew about that hidden camera in her bedroom.

Eden isn't stupid though. It'll be great to see how she retaliates when she's out of rehab in six weeks. She's the only one saying what everyone else is thinking though (especially Liz): Julia isn't a lesbian.

The dynamic between Sean and Kate was getting a little old and I'm partially glad that they finally hit a rough patch. Honestly, I think I enjoyed it more when they had more interaction on the set Hearts and Scalpels. But now that Sean has finally admitted that he can't shake the image of Kate "unloading" in the hot-tub... well, that's a deal-breaker. Add in his confession that his proposal was based on fear and not love... well, that too. Oh and don't forget Kate's fantasy (seemed like more of a natural attraction) of having sex with a black man. Sounds like this relationship is doomed.

The obvious set-up was that Sean is still in love with Julia and that's exactly what happened. With Eden gone for six weeks, that story might get shelved for a while. However, that doesn't mean there aren't other ways for Sean to find out.

Moving on to Kimber and Matt. Wow. They just keep heading downhill, huh? They're still smoking meth like crazy, the baby is clearly going through some sort of withdrawal from all the smoke. That and she's malnourished. It sounds terrible, but I'm finding the whole situation a little comical. I mean... they really let this happen? Matt's fantasy is a kitchen stocked with baby formula! Don't even get me started on his willingness to star in a gay porn flick for drug money. I think the one thing that worries me is that there won't be any commitment to one side of the story. Will they get better or won't they? I just want to see one side go all the way. So far... drugs: 1, the church: 0.

More thoughts:

The safe word is "big-wheel."

I've always found the titles of pornos to be funny, but Kimber's #1 best-seller is one of the best ones yet: Plumbers and Dykes.

When Kimber said she called the church, did she? Seems like it was more of a lie just to get Matt home. After all, if she called the church, she wouldn't be screwing her dealer as payment... right?

Nip/Tuck: Dawn Budge II

The return of the best guest star Nip/Tuck has ever had! Say what you will about Rosie O'Donnell (I couldn't stand her on The View), but when she steps into the shoes of Dawn Budge, it's gold. She was one of the highlights of last season (not to mention Christian's first paying "escort" customer) and her trip to Los Angeles easily made this episode an instant Nip/Tuck classic. From her hang-glider scene when the eagle attacked her to the face she made when the "ass bandit" had his way with her, she stole every scene she was in.

It's funny too, because from the first second I saw her with that mangled lip, I immediately thought "she needs to meet Freddy Prune!" And that's just what happened. For a brief moment, I actually thought she was dead when the stage light on the set of Hearts and Scalpels fell on her. However, I'm glad the writers chose to keep her around because O'Donnell and Platt are perfect together. Even though Christian tried to warn Dawn about Freddy's blatantly obvious sexual preferences, I hope Dawn is back for at least another episode so she can figure out that she's just Freddy's "beard." Did you see the face he made when the "ass bandit" poked him? Pure delight.

Now I mentioned earlier that Dawn was Christian's first customer so to speak, and if I recall, she thought sex with Christian was terrible. Well it can't be all that bad, because his new male escort service is taking off. Too bad all the loonies are calling him. A women who wants to be chilled to near death via ice and tranquilizers and then literally f*cked back to life? Um... how 'bout no. Even for Christian, I was surprised that he agreed to that one. Fortunately, I loved the pay-off when he saved the nut-job lady a second time because he prayed. The re-examination of his relationship with God and his childhood abuse is something that hasn't been discussed in a while, but I hope this nun sticks around. I'd love to see Christian explore this side of himself a bit more.

Then there's Sean. Poor Sean. First off, Dylan Walsh has never really wowed me as an actor. He's always been tolerable in this show simply because the role of Sean is so good. Well, Walsh finally sold me in this episode. He was spectacular. That one scene where he "fought" with his weaker half was excellent. The big question is, which half will win? I feel like he's being pushed towards Eden. Clearly Kate has weight and eating issues and Sean seems to be over-compensating by asking her to marry him. He has to sleep with Eden though. At this point, it's the only logical payoff. Notice how Sean's weaker half also seemed to be the more assertive half though? You can be weak and still know what you want.

Speaking of Eden...I had no idea what filthy things she was going to say next. No other character (except maybe Kimber in her porn days) has pushed the envelope this far. She makes for a great character though. But hey -- she has a conscience. She'll teach Annie how to induce vomiting, but cocaine is off-limits. That's what big sisters are for!

Speaking of Annie, what's the deal with her officially going to school in LA now? Or not, since she got kicked out for fooling around with a boy. Regardless, did Julia actually move out west? I'm a little ticked that Connor seems to have been forgotten about it. I was willing to forgive his absence when Julia was supposed to be "visiting," but it seems like she's there for good now. If I recall correctly, I think he's supposed to be at Erica's. You'd think Julia would have gone and gotten him by now though. I wonder if that's Olivia's doing? She seems awfully fake and she's very manipulative. Also manipulative? Matt and Kimber. Where were they in this episode? I want to know how they became meth addicts.

Overall, a great episode. Loved every minute of it.

Nip/Tuck: Everett Poe

I really don't know what Sean thinks he's doing. Sure, Kate seems nice. She's beautiful, smart, and funny too. But could I really find it in myself to stay with someone who craps in a hot tub while I'm trying to make out with them? It might sound shallow, but that definitely counts as a defining moment that should at least make me question the relationship. Kate has way too much emotional baggage and with the way Sean's life has gone, the last thing he needs is a crazy chick. Christian is right. Sean sure can pick 'em.

Eden is an interesting character though. The relationship between her and her mother is odd at best. Olivia seems to defend her daughter no matter how cruel she is. I can't wait to see how Eden rubs off on Annie. Back to Olivia, I almost wonder if she lied to Sean about the riding accident just so he'd agree to fix Eden's hymen. I just refuse to believe that girl when she says she's a virgin. That seems like something that Olivia would do though. She's very manipulative when it comes to dealing with people. I think Julia is a little smitten still.

I can't say that I'm surprised that Olivia gave Julia "permission" to sleep with Christian. It's just more manipulation on Olivia's part. She's driving Julia right back into her arms but stripping away all the things that Julia thought she was. I like how Liz doesn't buy it though. Julia certainly does seem uncomfortable but at this point, it's almost as if she's being guilted into staying.

Speaking of manipulation, how 'bout Matt and Kimber? Meth addicts! They're gonna kill that baby! Poor thing, just sitting in its bassinet, breathing in all that second-hand freebase smoke. I wonder if they were using while Kimber was still pregnant? Was Jenna born in withdrawal? Maybe not, I'm trying to remember how preggers Kimber was at the end of last season. Either way, they're definitely not Scientologists anymore and they blew Sean's $250K on drugs. I can't wait for someone to find out about this. They can only mooch so much before questions get asked. I was surprised that neither Sean nor Christian picked up on how strung-out Matt was. Sweaty, dirty clothes, bloodshot eyes. He looked like an addict.

The episode's featured patient, Everett Poe, was a total freak. Plastic surgery addict. But because he owned a high-end salon and promised to send patients to McNamara/Troy, Christian agreed to work on him. I wish we had seen more of him though. His "hide who you are" mystique was interesting. Christian seemed to pick up on it though, since he's now added male prostitute to his resume. Hilarious. That's got to be the ultimate job for him. He gets off thinking that he's such a catch and now people are paying him for it. Talk about an ego high.

Nip/Tuck: Joyce & Sharon Monroe

Let the Hollywood exploitation begin! Two episodes into the new season and Ryan Murphy and Co. are already taking advantage of Nip/Tuck's new location. Competing Marilyn Monroe impersonators is something I would have never seen had Sean and Christian decided to stay in Miami. Now that they're out west, I'm quite sure that this will be the first in a long line of Tinseltown degenerates looking for ways to "enhance" themselves and make an extra buck.

The one-upmanship between Sean and Christian has continued as both vie for celebrity status. Sean has become a fan favorite on Hearts n' Scalpels. More lines, late nights at the set, and a budding romance with fellow actress Kate Tinsley. The result? Christian has been alone, forced to handle the few cases that McNamara/Troy brings in. The sad thing about it is that even though the two of them have flipped roles, even when Christian was at his worst in Miami, he was never this irresponsible when it came to the practice.

Sean has become completely blinded by his quick rise to "fame" and his priorities have become flawed. He chooses the show over his business and a People photo-shoot over his romance with Kate. He's a completely different person and even though I saw him make the effort to patch things up with Kate, I think I'm going to see him continue this transformation. I've never really seen the "Christian side" of Sean.

To try and match Sean's public image, Christian gets himself out there with the help of Fiona. Literally. In a Playgirl spread. I'm honestly surprised she helped him though. She found out he leaked Carly's surgery to US Weekly, so why give him a second chance? I'm thinking she has something bigger in store for him. Sean has settled comfortably into his role on TV, but he's still not very adventurous. Christian? He'll try anything. (And speaking of Carly, where was she? I was really hoping for a heated confrontation between her and Christian.)

There were two developments in this story regarding the female characters that I do want to applaud:

First up was Kate's rise in Hollywood. She used to be overweight and lost it through gastric-bypass, exercise, and eating healthy. I'm not saying that gastric-bypass is the solution for everyone with a weight problem (the negatives of the surgery were addressed as well), but I still think this put forth a positive message that "the nobody" can make it in Hollywood with some dedication. Kate came from low-budget off-Broadway productions and made it big in a popular TV drama, but she's still the country girl at heart. This was made perfectly clear when she shared a kiss with Sean in front of a studio back-drop of a tree-lined dirt road.

Next up is Julia's new romance. Now I realize that it's very safe to make the argument that this is just Julia being Julia -- reaching out for attention because she's all alone, raising her kids in NYC. Don't forget, she did have sex with Marlowe last season. However, you always hear about the closet homosexual husband, coming out years into a marriage when the kids are well into their teens. Why not the wife though? All I'm saying is that I hope this story doesn't become gimmicky just for the sake of having a lesbian relationship. I hope the writers really run with this and explore what Julia is going through and the kind of impact it has on the kids; especially Annie. An added bonus is that this has given Sean and Christian something to bond over at a point when their professional and personal relationship is as strained as it's ever been.

Then there was that final scene. Christian being rubbed down by both Marilyn Monroes. He smirks and a bright light illuminates his face as the two wannabes serenade him with "I Want to be Loved by You." It pains me to say it, but with the direction this season seems to be taking, that horrible new single "Gimme More" by Britney Spears would have been just as appropriate here.

Nip/Tuck: Carly Summers

Life just ain't easy for Sean McNamara and Christian Troy. They moved out to LA thinking it would bring them a fresh start. Sean had just put a messy divorce with Julia to bed. Christian had backed out of his engagement to Michelle. They needed a new beginning. After pouring all their money into a new state-of-the-art Rodeo Drive operation and recovery facility, what do they have to show for it? Nothing. Saying that you "almost" did some work on Joan Rivers isn't exactly a great resume when no one has heard of you.

The set-up was to be expected. Of course it wasn't going to be easy. Everyone is a plastic surgeon in Hollywood. But it's been two months since they switched coasts and the money is running thin. That's where this season of Nip/Tuck draws its plot from and watching Sean and Christian crack the secrets of their new celebrity infested locale is plenty of fun for me. I think they have got a good season in store.

Everyone has had work done and everyone already has a favorite surgeon. No room for someone new. However, with the help of publicist Fiona McNeil (Lauren Hutton), the guys land a creative adviser/producer position on a new drama series called Hearts and Scalpels. The show within a show set-up and self-reflexive tone is hilarious because of the way it pokes fun at some of the stories Nip/Tuck has employed in the past. It'll be fun to see how it develops under Sean's tutelage.

Now I mentioned Hutton, but she isn't the only guest star:

• Tia Carrere plays Mistress Dark Pain, a dominatrix who seems to enjoy her job a little too much.
• Bradley Cooper plays Aiden Stone, the cocky star of Hearts and Scalpels. He and Sean have developed this odd bond. Sean seems very overwhelmed by the instant celebrity factor he's achieved.
• Paula Marshall plays Kate Tinsley, the co-star on Hearts and Scalpels. I don't think I'm really spoiling anything but she'll become a love interest for Sean.
• Oliver Platt plays TV producer Freddy Prune. It's his best role. He's flamboyant and hilarious.
• Craig Bierko plays Bob Easton, a studio exec who likes getting bit all over his chest by the aforementioned Mistress Dark Pain.
• Jennifer Coolidge plays actress Candy Richards. One word: lips.

Daphne Zuniga plays actress Carly Summers, the episode's focus. She becomes Christian's first sexual conquest (that I know about) in LA. In a very cool throwback to his first night with Kimber in the pilot episode, he convinces Carly to get plastic surgery by drawing all over an old pinup of her with, you guessed it, red lipstick.

The best part of the premiere was how it changed Sean and Christian. For four seasons, Christian has been the dominant character, garnering all the attention and female adoration. With the success of Sean's cameo on Hearts and Scalpels, the tables have been turned as Sean now supports working on the show and Christian has lost interest. It brings out the spiteful side of Christian that I've seen before. It will be interesting to see if he continues his relationship with Carly and US Weekly.

OK, back to this episode. Other stuff on my mind...

• I wonder if I'll see Gina come back and try to get Wilber. Again.
• I assume that Fiona will, at some point, find out that Christian leaked Carly's surgery to US Weekly. Will she still represent him? It'd be interesting to see if she dropped him and kept Sean. Christian fending for himself would be a good for an episode or two.
• Best lines in the episode? "I feel like I'm trying to sell semen at a whore house." - Christian. Bob Easton: "This place is deader than my Nana."
• I loved when Sean spoke up and didn't take any crap from Aiden. This is what I'm talking about though. He's becoming more assertive and it's great to watch Christian fumble and fail at the same time.
• I chocked on my spit from laughing so hard when Candy made those "gurgling" noises. Gold.

Overall, a very solid start to the season. Embracing everything that being in Hollywood/LA has to offer is going to be key when distinguishing this season from the previous four. There's a lot of stories available to use now that they're in a new city. I'm confident they will take advantage of them all.